


Peace is a Lie

by Redrikki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Gaslighting, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slavery, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redrikki/pseuds/Redrikki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he wakes up and can't remember what war he's fighting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peace is a Lie

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [ Hurt Comfort Bingo](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com) Round 7 prompt gas lighting. 
> 
> Inspired by Darth Nickels [deeply creepy meta](http://darthnickels.tumblr.com/post/108759210400/i-think-my-worst-headcanon-about-vader-out-of).

As the war dragged on, there were mornings when Anakin woke up and couldn't remember where he was. Christophsis? Geonosis? Felucia? Did it matter? The terrain changed, but the mission was always the same. Lead your men. Drive off the Separatists. Don’t die.

The campaigns all just blurred together after a while. Deserts, cities or jungles, every battle was the same. Broken droids. Broken clones. Bodies lying under alien skies. His men all screamed the same, bled the same, and died the same no matter where they were. Every battlefield had the same smell of scorched metal and plasteel, rotting corpses, and shit. It lingered on Anakin’s clothes and on his skin. He couldn’t get it out of his nose. 

Chancellor Palpatine suggested once that Anakin had been born to fight this war, but that couldn’t be right. Yes, he was good at it. Yes, it was more exhilarating then politics or meetings or just about anything else, but Jedi were supposed to be peacekeepers. Soon they would _make_ the peace and everything would be alright. Soon he could go home. Soon he could go to bed with his wife and not wake up with nightmares. Whatever he was born for, Anakin wanted that peace. Sometimes he though he’d do anything to get it.

*****

Sometimes Vader woke up and couldn’t remember which war he was fighting, or even who he was fighting against or for. The rebels? The Separatists? The Republic? The Empire? The names had changed, but Vader still took his orders from men he called Master. Sidious commanded the Empire as he had commanded the Republic. In the end, the Separatists had been his too. Were the rebels? Would it matter if they were? Not to him. Vader was simply his Master’s fist, his dark weapon, a blaster to be aimed and fired. And he always had been. 

It didn’t help his confusion that everything looked the same. The bridge of a Republic star destroyer was practically identical to an Imperial one. Was he on _The Resolute_ or _The Devastator_? He wasn’t always sure. Not when he was surrounded by troopers in white and familiar faces like Tarkin and Yularen. On occasion he would catch hints of Obi-Wan or Ashoka swirling around the Force, only to turn and find they weren’t there. It was the last dregs of Anakin Skywalker’s weakness that made Vader check at all. 

None of it mattered. War was war was war. It was eternal. As a young man, Vader had thought that one last push, one last massacre would end it, but he knew better now. Peace was a lie. Only through victory would his chains be broken. On Tatooine, he had seen desperate slaves run past the limits of their transmitters to free themselves from everything. It was a tempting sort of victory, but Vader had no such limits. All he had was his orders. Destroy his Master’s enemies. Don’t die.

Sometime Vader woke up and couldn’t remember what war he was fighting. Sometimes it frightened him, but mostly, he just didn’t care.


End file.
